Okay, so in this conversation about getting unstuck
and out of our big fat stories, I want to clarify what I mean by “Story.” There
are three types of stories that we tell: The Story of What Happened; The Story of The
Meaning We Made out of What Happened; and The Story of Who We Have Chosen to Become as a Result of Getting Out of That Story.
The first story is the actual “Just the facts,
Ma’am” story that we can’t change and have no control over. It happened. There
was an accident. We got divorced. Someone died. We lost our job. He cheated.
She lied. We were attacked. We got sick. This story simply happened. It caused
pain, most likely altered the course of our lives and then was it over.
The second story is the one we need to face,
understand, take responsibility for and get the hell out of. It’s the “So and
so happened and this is what I made it
mean.” Our parents got divorced and we made it mean that marriage doesn't work or we weren't worth our fathers or mothers sticking around for. Mom had bad
days and yelled at us and we made it mean that we we're bad and not lovable.
Dad drank too much and we made it mean that we were responsible for fixing him
and worthless because we failed and everything we did was wrong. We got thrown
in the dumpster by bullies at school and from that day on have believed that we’re
garbage and are alone and that human beings just suck. Someone told us that we shouldn't have been born and we believed them and have been telling ourselves the same
thing ever since. We were sexually abused and we made it mean that we are bad
and worthless, that men (or women) are untrustworthy, that life is an unsafe
place to be, that sex is evil and not to be enjoyed, or that we are here to be
sexually consumed by everyone that takes a number and lines up to do so. Someone we love dies and we decide that that
life is cruel and maybe we are going to die the same way they did and we live in
daily fear of that, or that they didn't love us enough to stick around for, and
that it’s not safe to love anyone ever again. We get lied to and cheated on
and suddenly no one is ever trustworthy again.
Painful things happen just because that is the nature
of the world we live in. And I am not saying that the pain isn't valid - it is! It needs to be acknowledged and honored and reverenced. The problem is that once we
have done that we continue to wear the second story like a badge of honor. Or shame. We let
it alter who we believe we are and how we show up in the world. We carry it
around like a million pound knapsack that keeps us from being who we truly are
and from doing what we are truly on this planet to do.
We are not here to suffer and to struggle and to
ever-play the role of victim. We are here to kick ass, to celebrate, to learn
and grow and become. We are here to have a party, to dance in parades, to pick
one another up, to laugh, to sing, to rejoice to spread our wings and soar into
the fucking stratosphere. That, my Lovies, is what happens when we pull
ourselves out of the muck and mire of our Victim Stories and start telling story number three.
Story number three is where our power lies. Story
number three is where we inspire and bless. Story number three is where we
finally exhale, reap the rewards, enjoy the benefits, feast on the fruits, and understand the Why’s and
the How Come’s. Story number three is where we finally get it.
The floats are in line. The band is tuned up. What are you waiting for?
Remember, you are Bigger, Better and Brighter
Than anything that has ever happened to you.
Go make the world a better place. xo
Remember, you are Bigger, Better and Brighter
Than anything that has ever happened to you.
Go make the world a better place. xo
