Monday, July 1, 2013

The Three Stories

Okay, so in this conversation about getting unstuck and out of our big fat stories, I want to clarify what I mean by “Story.” There are three types of stories that we tell: The Story of What Happened; The Story of The Meaning We Made out of What Happened; and The Story of Who We Have Chosen to Become as a Result of Getting Out of That Story.

The first story is the actual “Just the facts, Ma’am” story that we can’t change and have no control over. It happened. There was an accident. We got divorced. Someone died. We lost our job. He cheated. She lied. We were attacked. We got sick. This story simply happened. It caused pain, most likely altered the course of our lives and then was it over.

The second story is the one we need to face, understand, take responsibility for and get the hell out of. It’s the “So and so happened and this is what I made it mean.” Our parents got divorced and we made it mean that marriage doesn't work or we weren't worth our fathers or mothers sticking around for. Mom had bad days and yelled at us and we made it mean that we we're bad and not lovable. Dad drank too much and we made it mean that we were responsible for fixing him and worthless because we failed and everything we did was wrong. We got thrown in the dumpster by bullies at school and from that day on have believed that we’re garbage and are alone and that human beings just suck. Someone told us that we shouldn't have been born and we believed them and have been telling ourselves the same thing ever since. We were sexually abused and we made it mean that we are bad and worthless, that men (or women) are untrustworthy, that life is an unsafe place to be, that sex is evil and not to be enjoyed, or that we are here to be sexually consumed by everyone that takes a number and lines up to do so.  Someone we love dies and we decide that that life is cruel and maybe we are going to die the same way they did and we live in daily fear of that, or that they didn't love us enough to stick around for, and that it’s not safe to love anyone ever again. We get lied to and cheated on and suddenly no one is ever trustworthy again.

Painful things happen just because that is the nature of the world we live in. And I am not saying that the pain isn't valid - it is! It needs to be acknowledged and honored and reverenced. The problem is that once we have done that we continue to wear the second story like a badge of honor. Or shame. We let it alter who we believe we are and how we show up in the world. We carry it around like a million pound knapsack that keeps us from being who we truly are and from doing what we are truly on this planet to do.

We are not here to suffer and to struggle and to ever-play the role of victim. We are here to kick ass, to celebrate, to learn and grow and become. We are here to have a party, to dance in parades, to pick one another up, to laugh, to sing, to rejoice to spread our wings and soar into the fucking stratosphere. That, my Lovies, is what happens when we pull ourselves out of the muck and mire of our Victim Stories and start telling story number three.

Story number three is where our power lies. Story number three is where we inspire and bless. Story number three is where we finally exhale, reap the rewards, enjoy the benefits, feast on the fruits, and understand the Why’s and the How Come’s. Story number three is where we finally get it.

The floats are in line. The band is tuned up. What are you waiting for?

Remember, you are Bigger, Better and Brighter 
Than anything that has ever happened to you. 

Go make the world a better place. xo